After the last blog entry, I wanted to continue with this "previous self" idea...
Do we know and have made clear what is previous self and what is current self?
So often, we carry the previous self forward - along with the previous voices, the self-doubt, the indecision, the fear...and lo and behold, the CURRENT self cannot perform.
As artists, we are constantly pursuing, asking questions, and digging deeper into what we are and what we can be. Our NEED to be honest with self is crucial. However, the honesty isn't always as clear as we would like.
Do you know the difference between previous self and current self? Can you claim one and release the other?
How do we do this? How do we let go of what has been and claim what IS?
Learning to be honest about WHERE we have been, where we are going and WHERE WE ARE is the first step. RECOGNITION of the reality of NOW and CLAIMING it is CRUCIAL.
So often, we carry baggage as artists. To release that baggage and leave it where it belongs takes a recognition of why we carry it. Why does a negativity creep in? What do you carry into your NOW that is no longer there? Why?
Perhaps you hear that voice that tells you "you cannot" "you sing out of tune" "you are flat" "you are sharp" "you are going to miss that high note" "you suck" "you aren't ready" "you are singing the wrong rep" "are you sure you can sing?" "are you sure you want this?" "why are you doing this"....and on and on and on...
Where is this coming from? Now or then?
What have you done about it? If the high notes aren't an issue anymore, then why are you not releasing the previous self to sing them currently?
Whose voice is not allowing you to release your previous self to the past where it belongs?
I can't answer these questions...only YOU can. But until you truly release this, allow this sense of previous/current to truly feel real, you will always feel like you back-peddling a little.
I believe this is where the "needy singer" syndrome develops from. We want to please and do well, and want to make everybody aware WE are aware of our foibles - so much so that we keep dragging up the the previous foibles and making them a strange reality in the current self.
CLAIM THE CURRENT SELF. We don't need to apologize for what has happened. We work from where we are NOW. The journey continues. We can learn from the previous self, not get bogged down by it.
As soon as the performance is over - it is PREVIOUS. We can observe, make adjustments, and work forward to make the changes to find the current self.
Learning how to observe objectively and not invest subjectively in our performances becomes absolutely necessary to truly find our artistic voice.
Easier said than done, I know. It is something we MUST pursue. Recognizing our current reality and moving through it, allows us to see ourselves as we truly are. Having the people around us we TRUST and actually TRUSTING THEM makes a huge impact too. We must be willing to release the previous self in order to truly nurture the current self and move through it.
If the team around you keeps telling you that you ARE in tune, and the high notes are successful and you choose to keep questioning it, then why are you asking? What can you not get past to be where you are? Why are you making the previous voices larger than the current ones? Why are you making the negative stronger than the positive?
Many of us do not want to delude ourselves into believing we are further than we are. We want to be honest and truthful about where we are and who we are. This is noble and wonderful. However, delusion isn't always telling ourselves we are better than we are; sometimes it is trying to keep ourselves in a place we no longer belong. Sometimes we stop our growth by thinking we need to listen to those negative and previous voices in order to learn something.
What are you learning?!?!?! Get rid of those voices!!!! A healthy ego is ESSENTIAL to not apologize for the TRUTH of you as an artist and as a performer.
Know what you are truly capable of. Go out to get that. If you achieve it - BRAVO! If you don't - make the observation of what happened and why. Learn from it. Be pro-active about it. Do not succumb to the negativity. The negativity will stifle the growth and will never allow you to find your current self, nor will it allow for a true competition of previous self.
You MUST know the difference, claim the difference and LIVE the difference.
It's okay to say "I can" "I sing in tune" "I have something to offer" "I can claim this"!!!! In fact, IT IS NECESSARY AS AN ARTIST TO CLAIM IT ALL!!!!!!!!!
Competition with your previous self assumes you know the difference and have RELEASED the previous in order to be current with yourself.
CLAIM the difference. If you don't - you will continue to move in circles until you are simply too tired to do it anymore.
Find your truth - live it, claim it and breathe it. Recognize that truth needs to grow and morph and develop. If you KNOW better, you do better...
CLAIM YOUR TRUTH!